To mark the successful anniversary of the Chronolit blog, I have spared no expense to bring you a post of unparalleled spectacle and glamour, as stars from the pages of classical literature and the all-important technical geniuses behind the scenes walk the red carpet, all hoping to take home a coveted Chronie award.
Tonight’s event will be hosted by those two larrikins of laughter, Aesop and Aristophanes. But first we have the stars arriving in chariots pulling up to the front of glorious Mount Olympus, the site of this glittering event. Walking the red carpet and receiving the amorous glances of many of the crowd are those delightful goddesses of stage and temple, Hera, Athena and of course Aphrodite, as well as the beautiful Helen, and the demure Sita wearing a stunning sari of gold and diamonds.
Votes for tonight’s awards have been carefully collated by the oracular firm of Cassandra and co., who of course knew the winners long before they are actually announced.
We can’t take you inside Mount Olympus of course but we have the results coming through now:
Best epic : The Ramayana beats Homer’s heavily favoured The Iliad and sequel The Odyssey
Best tragedy : Medea by Euripides wins over a large field of contenders
Best comedy : The Thesmophoriazusae by Aristophanes
Best Costume Design : The Wasps, by Aristophanes, which also takes out the Chronie for Best Choreography
Best musical : The Clouds by Aristophanes, featuring the hit song, Make me a winner (and you can have me for your dinner) by Strepsiades
Best special effects : The Ramayana outshines a strong contingent including the Mahabharata and the Book of Moses
Best battle scenes : The Mahabharata.
Worst read : Theognis’ Elegies in a close run with The Book of Deuteronomy
Worst woman to scorn : Medea inches past the Furies
Worst family curse : The Oedipus curse easily surpasses even the much-fancied Oresteians
Best drinking buddy : Enkidu, who unfortunately could not be with us here tonight, and his award is accepted by his good friend, King Gilgamesh
That’s all for this year. Please join us again for next year’s Chronies, to be held at the Colloseum, where it is rumoured a strong home-grown Latin contingent may sweep the field. Thank you all and good night!